Thursday, August 29, 2013

Lois Lane just can't be trusted with a camera.

The Camera from Outer Space
Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane
DC Comics
Cover Art by Kurt Schaffenberger
Story by Otter Binder
Art by Art Kurt Schaffenberger
Number 57

I know, it seems like I would be doing the cover story to this issue of Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane. Lois spanking a baby Superman whose thought bubble reads like Bizzaro? But no. I'm doing another camera story!

I'll just say here, because I do go on, that I love photography. I even prefer the whole antiquated process of rolling your own film, darkrooms and those pungent chemicals that can cause sterility. *sigh* With digital, photography lost its charm.

With that said, Lois Lane should never touch a camera. In her hands they NEVER seem to perform in the way they were intended. First, Gay for Lois Lane featured a story where her camera produced images of Superman no matter who she photographed (here) - normally I would just write that off as a user error - and now we have her with a camera that helps capture bad guys. Perhaps if the camera was a little more cuddly Lois would dump Superman for it!

I never really saw Lois as the bring an invalid dinner  type. Perhaps it's the deafening tick of her biological clock causing her to act in such a maternal way.

Am I the only one that finds this carnival ride kind of distrubing? I also think if there was a ticket booth to ride Superman, Lois would have been first in line.

I don't know exactly what the gift of a bandanna says about a relationship but I'm willing to bet it doesn't say anything good.

"... so that's why I bought you this gift." What? Why? Why did you buy that gift? Why didn't they included the part of the conversation I wanted to hear?!

On a side note, who paid for that billboard? Superman's ego or the worse police department ever?

"Oh, my goodness! What made me shake my head "no"... and risk being shot?" I'm going to guess bipolar disorder.

Wow! As always that was quite a ride! And Superman claims to convinently understand everthing. Oh, except how to get the genie camera back. Guess Superman will not have to share all the glory. Am I the only one not surprised?

Perhaps someone just needs to buy Lois a nice reliable Nikon.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Friday, February 15, 2013

Death House Honeymoon - Well at least you can say you've been married!

Death House Honeymoon
Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane
DC Comics
Cover Art by Curt Swan & Murphy Anderson 
Story by Robert Kanigher
Art by Art Saaf, Ross Andru & Mike Esposito
Number 105

Okay now, don't be a dick. Like you've never been so lonely that you caught yourself trolling online prison personal ads. Well, perhaps not.

In Death House Honeymoon once again we see that Lois Lane inspires devotion in every one but Superman. I beginning to think that our Man of Steel really doesn't deserve the undying loyalty of little Miss Lois Lane. Okay, so maybe undying is a bit of a stretch, but she if far more loyal than I would be under the same circumstances. This story also acts as an awkward introduction to the character The Thorn whose own dedicated story follows directly after this Lois story.

I can't help but think that a guy by the name of Johnny Adonis would be far better looking.

It's a man's job! I'm glad we cleared that up.

If Lois can't even drive down the street without nearly getting killed, how is it that Superman ever gets anything done?

Never mind "Crazy Collins", Miss Lane! He is one of the 100! A paid killer! He has no respect for anyone on earth! ... He's also really horny and you are kind of dressed like a tramp.

I'll do anything to repay you! That's a you can bang me face if I ever saw one.

Funny, if I were in Johnny's place and I had Lois' unbreakable word, there would be a whole hell of a lot of requests that would top the list above marriage. 

Speaking of dressed like a tramp.

I'm your wife! Oh honey, that never works.

And I'm left with a sensational eye-witness scoop of marriage and murder! Wow, way to shake off Johnny's death. 

What a story! And I'm sure no one is surprised to find that a woman like Lois can bring out the good even in a cold blooded killer. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

Once again Superman just makes everything worse.

The Second Superman
Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane
DC Comics

Cover Art by Bob Oksner
Story Art by John Rosenberger and Vince Colletta
Script by Cary Bates

Number 132

Okay, I actually must give Superman kudos in this story. Afraid that his relationship with Lois Lane is placing her in harms way, Superman takes it upon his self to find Lois a husband, thus severing their relationship and removing her from danger.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not giving him any credit for going to such a length to keep her safe. Though it is surprising considering what a complete selfish bastard he is. What I find amazing is that he doesn't seem to hesitate to pick her a man that is oh-so-much hotter then himself.



What is it about the Daily Planet that attracts these eccentric string tie wearing types? I swear his is not the first.

I just want to say here that there was a time when I worked for a big research and development organization. One of those places where you were almost as likely too see army fatigues in the corridors as you were to see lab coats. I wouldn't say it was like the Umbrella Corporation or anything but I wouldn't say it wasn't like them either. I bring this up because all of the time I worked there, I assure, you I never saw a scientist that happening.

Breath taking indeed!

  Superman looks none too pleased.

I think the two broads on the bench should stay out of my, I mean Lois', business and get back to trying to marry off their granddaughters.

Perhaps the camera reveals a images of someone not nearly has attractive of the person you're taking the pictures of.

Yeah, we all saw this coming.

That totally blows. They finally offer up a romantic interest for Lois that I can totally get behind and they kill him off in the first story. The man even looked good while dying! Seems like a complete waste. Surely he deserved some sort of superhero spin off. Obviously there is always room for one more lab created scientist/superhero comic out there.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

I'm in the WRONG business.

Lois Lane -- Queen and Superman -- Commoner
Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane
DC Comics

Cover Art by Kurt Schaffenberger
Story Art by
Kurt Schaffenberger
Script by Leo Dorfman
Number 67

Back in school I had a professor try to encourage me to pursue writing as a career. I had no real interest. I had already made up my mine about the career path I planned to follow.

Well I was obviously wrong.

If I had had any idea that a career as a journalist on a big city newspaper would possibly include being asked to attend the grand opening of a wax museum AND then to try on my choice of clothes off a waxed figures back, I would have made a completely different decision.

Well, in Lois Lane -- Queen and Superman -- Commoner! our favorite girl reporter is asked to do just that.

We all know how great Lois looks in a calf-length skirt and pillbox hat, just imagine how great she'll look in a farthingale and ruff.

If the dagger is supposed to be cursed why is it on display with the a wax figures? I would think that dusty little curio shop from Friday the 13th - the series would have been a far more appropriate place.

You'll pose as King Henry VIII, who was a famous glutton! Really, that is what you're going with. Not the six wives thing? Not separating the Church of England from the Catholic Church and papal authority thing? Just the obesity. Seems a little too obvious. But, you're the reporter.

How come I don't get calls this exciting from my sister? She normally just calls to borrow something from me.

Seeing Lois in the whole Cleopatra outfit makes looking at Princess Leia in her slave girl outfit feel about as exciting as looking at your sister, doesn't it boys?

I don't understand why Superman even stopped by.

As Lois' performance reaches a climax ... That's it. I just wanted to repeat that.

Ah, with your glasses off, you look handsome. Yeah, I can see how those glasses might throw you off.

Wow, I believe a very similar scenario played out after the release of Troll 2.